He's afraid to tell us how he’s feeling directly he’s not a guy who’s in touch with his feelings and can say what’s going on. The reason for this is because he’s insecure too!
So we know he’s not where we are, not on that same page as us right now, and he’s not quite sure how to let us know except by putting some distance between us. Our instincts are usually spot-on in this regard. If you’re feeling like he’s distancing himself and the two of you are losing the connection you once had, well, you’re most likely right. So what do we do in this situation? Well, there are basically three avenues we can take. He’s showing us what he’s capable of right now.
And whether he’d be the perfect guy for us if he’d just be more attentive isn’t the point. That ideal we have in our mind, those dreams we’ve got – they’re all ours, not his. And whether we like it or not, what we’re seeing is who he is and where he’s at right now.Īnd that’s the point. The message here is similar you’re both on different pages, and there’s an imbalance that needs to be corrected. And we can then take steps to correct the imbalance. It’s like getting sick – when our bodies are telling us that something’s wrong we’re working too much, we’re too stressed, or maybe we’re not eating well. The good news is that we can look at this as a gift. It’s the gift of a clear message that things aren't quite right. So why do we continue to do this to ourselves? Why do we hang in there, remaining silent on what we’re observing, while we’re pretzeling ourselves around to be whatever we think we need to be to get him (and the relationship) back the way it was?Īnd the worst part is, in reality, it only has the opposite effect – it brings the relationship crashing down even faster than before. And unfortunately, this type of reaction is all too common.īecause when he starts pulling away from us, it brings out every abandonment issue we’ve ever had, and leaves us desperately trying to turn things around by pulling out all the stops and becoming everything we think he wants us to be. This type of behavior is not healthy, not honoring of ourselves, our own worth.
It was, of course, the worst thing I could have done in this situation. Whatever he clearly wasn’t seeing, I was going to show him. So I’d decide to show him that much more just what I had to offer. I’d feel like I had to do something – anything - quickly to turn it around because he had so much potential because WE had so much potential.Īfter all, it had started off so well – it had to be worth saving, no matter what it took. I would get scared, and instead of taking a step back and reassessing the relationship, I just clung on like my life depended on it. Then suddenly, he’s not calling as much, he’s out with his buddies more than he’s out with you, or you just have some gut feeling that something has changed for him.Īny time a relationship I was in started taking this kind of turn for the worse I did what so many of us do. You know the scenario – it starts off with fireworks, an amazing connection you just can’t get enough of each other. To someone that isn’t treating us the way we deserve to be treated? Who isn’t loving us the way we were meant to be loved? Why do we sometimes hold on so tightly to something that isn’t working for us? Is it all in your head or is he getting distant?